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The First 12 Months
As a mom of three, I honestly don't think I could have made it through the long nights, never-ending diapers, and countless trips to the pediatrician's office without the pals I've met along the way. Here are the mom friends I couldn't live without -- and why you need them too.
As a mom of three, I honestly don't think I could have made it through the long nights, never-ending diapers, and countless trips to the pediatrician's office without the pals I've met along the way. Here are the mom friends I couldn't live without -- and why you need them too.
The Role Model
This is the absolute first mom friend you need -- a buddy with some mothering miles under her belt. Her kids are a few years older than yours, so she's the go-to person for questions about teething, getting rid of the pacifier, or finding a reliable sitter. My sister-in-law Janet turned out to be my mommy mentor. A full five years older than me, she was already the mother of three by the time I had my first baby. I looked to her for guidance and reassurance -- and thankfully, she found no question too idiotic: Will the weird infant acne go away on its own? What exactly should an umbilical stump look like? Does a baby have to wear a T-shirt under every outfit? I knew I could call her at 2 a.m. with a screaming infant on my shoulder -- and she would calm me down and promise me that motherhood would get better.
Especially during those first crazy weeks with a newborn, it's nice to look up from your sleep-deprived haze and see a mom who's been through it and survived. Not only does she give you hope -- she's so relaxed and competent -- but she'll praise you, tell you that you're doing fine, and assure you that life will be okay very soon. Someday, you may outgrow the friendship, or it will morph into a relationship of equals. But for now, it's incredibly comforting to have someone strong and wise holding your hand.
The Twin
You might meet this pal in Lamaze class, or in the park with your newborns tucked into strollers, where you commiserate over sleepless nights and sore nipples. Your babies are nearly the same age, so she totally gets what you're going through. Even better, you share identical parenting philosophies: you'd never let your baby cry it out at night, and you're completely against spanking. Meeting her is like meeting that first best friend on the third-grade playground -- you click instantly because you have everything in common. My coworker Debbie and I were pregnant at the same time, and our first children, both girls, were born just a few months apart. We became inseparable as our daughters reached milestones together -- we could discuss weaning, separation anxiety, or poop color for hours. I'll never forget the excited phone calls we exchanged ("She peed in the potty two times today!") when our daughters were toilet training, conversations that probably would have made anyone else roll their eyes or cringe.
The best part about having a mothering clone is that you can share this baby minutiae with her and she will never zone out with boredom. Believe me, no one else will find your infant's cute habit of sucking her toes worth 15 seconds of discussion, much less 15 minutes. Being with this soul sister is a wonderful way for both of you to let off steam and talk as long and passionately as you like about your babies. If you're lucky, you'll stick with your twin through preschool, kindergarten, and beyond. These days, Debbie and I still compare notes on our daughters -- although now we discuss training bras and Kelly Clarkson CDs instead of diapers and Gymboree classes.
